she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
