Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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