She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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