I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
