Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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