dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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