can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
