whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
