how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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