Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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