...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
