I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
