there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
