you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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