I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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