Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
