So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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