My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
