Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
