Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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