she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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