Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
