The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
