i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
