i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
soo... how was my night?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
