i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
