Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
