In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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