Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
