dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
