I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When are your genitals available?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
