I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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