Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
