I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
