Apparently you make a good broom.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
