remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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