i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
