In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
