Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
