Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
