I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
