everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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