Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
