So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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