Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
