It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
