you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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