You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
