I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
