we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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