the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
