im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
