Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
