I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
